He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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