So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
