They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
