Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
