are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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