You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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