i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
