if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
