It was confusing and full of hummus
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
