jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
