I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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