I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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