my phone needs a breathalizer
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
