i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
