Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
