do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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