The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
