I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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