I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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