i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
