i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize