just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
