i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they need to just BURY HIM!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
