my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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