Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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