so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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