Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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