Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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