That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
