Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize