He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
