I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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