Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
