I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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