speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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