If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
