Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
