He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
