By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
