Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize