My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
