I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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