That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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