best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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