I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
