I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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