Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
