I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
