I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
