I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
