Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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