Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
