if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
