Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize