i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
