May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
