if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
