These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
