wakey wakey hands off snakey
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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