I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
