you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
