i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
