This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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