I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
