Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
