Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
