I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
