I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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