I bet he comes in French.
barbara walters just said penis...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
