Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
