I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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