i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
