She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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