maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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