At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
