he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
